Movies I watched this year that tried to be hard or thought they were hard but failed on an epic scale:
BADASS (2012)Viewed on Netflix
As hard as Trejo is, this was no Machete. Instead it was a complete joke with a horrible story line and a joke of a cast. The director should be banished from movie making. Charles S. Dutton deserves a lifetime achievement award for sucking balls in a film, once again.
Rating: Steaming pile with flies
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| Wilk mode |
Viewed on Netflix
I read a lot of good things about this one but oh did it suck balls. The story line, the action, and so-called twist ending - lame. The guy trying to be hard in it looks and acts like a big lunk head too.
Rating: Spray some air freshener this left a cloud
13 (2010)Rented the DVD
An American remake ( always a bad sign) of 13 Tzameti with a hard cast that included Mickey Rourke, Statham, the new General Zod and Mr. French so how could this be bad? Add a bad lead and 50 Cent and this bore fest will make you want to blow your own brains out.
Rating: a bad case of exploding diarrhea
KILL THE IRISHMAN (2011)
Viewed on Netflix (home of Robocop 3 and Andy Dick movies)
I so wanted this to be awesome. It had the ingredients to make this one insanely hard movie and The Punisher is such a hard guy in everything (except this and maybe that Three Musketeers 3D movie which I have not seen). The movie is hard on a silly level because the acting is bad and the movie is boring. It takes itself to seriously and it's just plain bad. My hopes were too high I guess but Stevenson Dad Hair is still hard even though he was in this.
Rating: Stuck on the pot and nothing's happening
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| Hard shot though "JIAAFFFFF!!!" |
THE AVENGERS (2012)Viewed at the Arclight Sherman Oaks in 2D
Two words: Joss Whedon. His stuff always sucks the hairy sack. Serenity, Firefly, Buffy (tv version) - ugh. Theatrical Bore fest. Ruffalo and Downey Jr. are always hard but the film overall was so lame and boring. Yes, I found the action and storyline boring. The script and the new members of the Avengers like that Cobie Smulders as well as the Hawkeye character were so dumb and laughable and yet it made a billion plus worldwide. At least I now have the cure for my insomnia.
Rating: a two hour fart that echoes for everyone to hear
Previously mentioned in an earlier post:
LOCKOUT (2012)
Rating: Steaming pile with flies
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